Well secrets that im revealing

I dont know whats wrong with me nowadays ,i kept on crying but i hide it from my mom,gf n my friends i dont think i can hold on for long im gonna burst soon what better way to do but just saying it out here . No one knows how painful it is to have dreams that ur chained up and its everytime its either in camp dreamt im chained down or its somewhere that i dont wanna go again oh please help help ! I did a lot of changes but my anxiety attack is getting worst at the point where it gives me headaches or feeling of faint i never tell my girlfriend but when im around her i feel peaceful i feel connected i feel different in a lot of ways but i do get anxiety attacks im not gonna tell her yet well its my real secret . Listen im sorry if i ever doubted you or im over protective as a friend im just sorry i was like that i just dont wanna loose another friend thats why im so over protective just like my mom i dont want my mom to marry another i dont want her to get hurt someppl cant feel that pain that i felt only ppl who ever experienced this tragedy. I know it is all in the past but it hunts me sometimes when im outside things that makes me remind of the past gets to my mind and ill get that anxiety attacks ... Not everyone know how pressured i feel in this reality with money friend bills people to please i just feel like just not doing it anymore . I need a comeback i need to get away for awhile. So please understand me my honey,friends,family. Just understand sometimes I CANt give it my all give it my best because im worned out tired and i need a real break from all of this I dont know im just writing what im feeling right now ./...